One cause of stress impotence has its roots in childhood rearing. Small boys are taught not to cry, to deny their feelings. They are trained to be fearless, tough-minded, outward-looking. Their “female” side is routinely repressed.
This repression comes from misguided fears of homosexuality. Often the fears are unconscious, having been learned by adults in their own childhood. It is a precept of psychiatry that denial can create more problems than it avoids. Having to deny the female side of his nature can make a boy fearful of “all things womanly.”
If the denial is mild, he may nurture an unconscious grudge against women. His psyche thinks they have it easy, in sexual terms. All they have to do is lie back and pretend. And because potency is not a female issue, women enjoy talking about it. They make matters worse by spelling out exactly what is wrong….
If the denial is severe, it can have the opposite of the intended effect. A sensitive perceptive boy may be driven so far mat he avoids “all things womanly.” As he matures, no matter how hard he tries, he cannot be comfortable with women. Parents need to understand a boy has no choice over this. He is then driven to seek affection and sexual love in the arms of men. If he retains a high degree of fear/fascination of women, he apes their dress and mannerisms as a homosexual man.
The Lonesome Trail
Even without a trace of femaphobia, all men (unconsciously) recognize the “challenge of the vagina.” It produces a degree of camaraderie, of simpatico, with other males. For it is always the man who must be the penetrator, never the woman. It is he who must get into the appropriate mindset to allow for erection. No matter how much help he may get from a partner, on the bottom line, erection is his responsibility, and his alone.
It can be perceived that erection is a position of singular isolation. And that this isolation is sometimes overlooked in the mutuality which love seeks. At different times it makes a man feel very differently: joyous, victorious, powerful, vulnerable, anxious, threatened, wretched, alone….
Whatever he feels, a man cannot hide this awareness. It shows in his actions, his behavior and bearing towards women. It shows in his speech, the words and tone of voice he uses to and about them. A man who consistently “puts down” or “elevates” women may be giving off signals of femaphobia. Avoid doing this. Consider what is going wrong.
Tags: femaphobia, homosexuality, stress