What to do if you ejaculate too late or not at all

Partner Prem

Some men have full masturbatory control, but lose it with a partner. In this case, she can control the exercise, manipulating the penis outside the vagina until the pre-emission stage. Then give the nod or word for her to begin the squeeze technique. When ejaculatory control is gained, try penetration. She must be able to get at the penis quickly; astride on top is appropriate. If underneath, the man’s focus is split between recognizing the pre-emission stage and preparing to withdraw. Help to arouse her first. If penetration is difficult, there is a risk of thrusting, with subsequent loss of control. Use plenty of lubrication to avoid this.

Keep in mind rhythm-and-friction trigger ejaculation. Avoid thrusting. After penetration, lie still. Either person can begin moving in a short while, very slowly at first. She watches for his signal to remove the penis and begin the squeeze technique. Aim to repeat the exercise five times before ejaculation. If this is not possible, avoid being downcast. With sufficient practice, the squeeze technique is highly effective.

(A partner who has been subject to premming may be reluctant to help. This is understandable. Partners of prems often suffer too. Or there may be a power struggle between the couple. In this case, consider seeking help from a sex behavior therapist).

Some men regard the squeeze technique with horror. They stop the process over again. Over a few months, they notice a longer and longer period between initial excitation and ejaculation.

Gun Shy?

Retarded ejaculation is defined as “ejaculation which happens too late, or not at all”. The condition is less common than premming. Nor does it damage the relationship so much, especially at first. A delayer may find he easily ejaculates on his own, often after love-making. The condition begins and ends with partner sex.

All men delay at times and for the same reasons as they prem. A young man rarely does, unless his particular taboo is especially strong. In elderly men, not ejaculating over many love-making sessions is a normal part of the aging process. A mature man who fails to ejaculate is not a delayer.

Fear of pregnancy is a major factor in delay. If withdrawal was used as a method of birth control, the stress of timing it right probably affected control. The lone responsibility of holding back can develop an unconscious dread of ejaculating, especially if an unwanted pregnancy occurred in the past.

The pregnancy taboo results from the best of intentions, and can be appreciated by both partners as such. But once delay sets in, avoid thrusting too long in the hope of unblocking the taboo. There may be times when this is successful. At other times, semen dribbles out with no satisfying explosion of release. To avoid this becoming chronic, work through the next article. If the pregnancy problem remains, seek contraceptive advice first.

Self Help

What to do if you ejaculate too late

Dr. Kegel, a gynecologist, drew up a program of exercises to help women strengthen the pelvic muscles stretched at childbirth. They are known as Kegels, and used with problems of bladder control. Yet Kegels can be successful therapy for stressors, both delay and premming. (And they may help to avoid urine leakage problems in later life).

Kegels strengthen the muscles at the penile root, and improve blood flow to the pelvic area. They help focus sensation prior to ejaculation. Many men with perfect control do Kegels regularly to get stronger and keener sensations at orgasm.

Week 1 Squeeze the muscles of the back passage tight. Then relax them. Do this 15 times, twice daily, for a week.

Weeks 2 and 3 Gradually build up to 65 squeezes, twice daily. Squeezing can be done anywhere, even waiting in line.

Weeks 4 and 6 Hold the squeeze to a count of three – then’ relax. Build up gradually from 15 times twice daily to 65 squeezes, twice a day.

Note the word “gradually”. Avoid extra squeezes. The muscles get sore, and require rest. Kegels then have to be resumed at week 1 again. It usually takes 6 weeks before improvement is noticed.

Theory Land!

One theory suggests men with ejaculatory distress are acting out a power game. Coming too soon, or too late, are ways of using a partner, which is meant to abuse her, not always unconsciously. Such men are said to be cold, controlling, unrelaxed. They hold unexamined and inappropriately high values. The over-powering need to be in control prevents them from being intimate.

But theories are theories and open to debate. It is hardly surprising a man who loses control may have a passion to control other areas of life. Keep in mind these can he acutely painful conditions; they can cripple self-esteem. The coldness may result from the distressor, not the other way around.

Yet the theory may be worth checking, for distressors can damage the nicest of men. Why make life sadder by empowering one condition to create an added emotional one? After checking the self, check the relationship: is it really close? In what ways could it be more satisfying, more effective? (And because being uptight slows down the effects of self help, learn to relax!)

Some men with naturally gentle natures are in manipulative relationships and cannot cope with conflict. The stressor may be unconsciously encouraged by a partner as a way of controlling him. Here it is she who is playing the power game, not he. Consider professional therapy. Deeper unhappiness and the risk of psychological impotence can result from leaving things as they are.

Posted on August 6, 2009, in Sex Life and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a Comment.

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